The Third Short And Très Stupid Fic: Abby Meets
by samthecg
Summary: Pigeon is BACK!!! The third s & s fic is here! I hope you like. The title is actually The Third Short And Très Stupid Fic: Abby Meets “Richard!” but it was too long. Yeah. Please read!


The Third Short And Très Stupid Fic: Abby Meets "Richard!"  
  
By Sammie  
  
So it seems you guys like these fics. Actually, this is mostly for Anna. But me too! I have so much fun with pigeon. He's so great to write with. The plot for this fic is kinda Anna's but hey. Well, she did the Richard thing. She suggested booze too, but the mental picture of Abby drinking a pigeon was too much. And plus Richard is fun.  
  
Okay, I know more people have read these fics than reviews I've received. And the pigeon review was kind of weird. Oh well. I'd really appreciate some more reviews, just to know you're reading. You don't have to write anything. I just want to know there are readers.  
  
Off the seriosity. I'm pumped with coke and I feel like doing the Abby meets Richard version of a short and très stupid fic. Read on! (And stop jumping up and down, Anna!)  
  
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Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't want to own them. I'd get too many pleas from people asking to own them . Too much for me. Anyways, pigeon is more interesting than any of them and he doesn't have a fan base. Well, I don't think he does.  
  
Archive: I've never posted anything anywhere other than fanfiction.net. But I don't mind if you want to archive! Just tell me, okay. I'll let you, but I want to know.  
  
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Abby is having a bad day. She's had to drink bad coffee from the staff room, deal with bad patients and other bad stuff. There isn't anything that could make her day better. Or so she thinks.  
  
Luka: Abby! There's an annoying old man that I want you to deal with in curtain one. He just, uh, took a dump in his bed.  
  
Abby: Deal with him yourself! I don't want to clean that up!  
  
But Luka had already left her to look to cleaning the annoying old kook's mess.  
  
Abby: Dammit. What is wrong with that guy! Leaving me to do his dirty work. Literally. I'm gonna make him suffer one day.  
  
Abby goes off and cleans the disgusting mess. During the process, the old man finds a glove and picks up some more "mess." He then throws it onto Abby's shirt.  
  
Abby: GOD! THAT IS DISGUSTING!! What did you do that for?!? Yuck!  
  
She takes off the, uh, fecal matter from her shirt.  
  
Abby: I can't take this! Luka has to do this! It's his patient, and yet I'm the one covered in-  
  
Pratt enters, with a smile on his face.  
  
Pratt: Oh, there you are Abby! Well, there's an annoying crazy woman in curtain 2 who just, uh, took a dump in her bed. Could you deal with it???  
  
Abby: OHHH NO! No, no, no, no, no! Not you too!!!  
  
But Pratt had already left her to clean the mess.  
  
Abby: Crap! I mean it! I have to clean that up. EW! What is with men.? Are they out to make me clean up all that is nasty? Hmph.  
  
Abby goes over to clean the mess. And you guessed it, the crazy lady threw some on her. Abby's getting pretty dirty!  
  
Abby: EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET ME!! AND I HAVE CRAP ON MY SHIRT! MORE CRAP!!! :: She scrapes off the poop from her shirt:: I have more stains. These'll never come out!! I need something good. Chocolate.  
  
So Abby walks over to the vending machine. And sees Carter, Chen and pigeon there. Choosing to ignore them for worries of being sent to clean up more poo, she looks for something in the vending machine.  
  
Abby: NO.BUTTERFINGERS?!? AHHHH!!!!  
  
She hits her head repeatedly on the vending machine, quite hard actually, probably causing a concussion or something like that. I'm not a doctor. I don't really know that kind of stuff.  
  
Carter: Well, considering you've had quite a bit of poop incidents today, no butterfingers might not be so bad.  
  
Abby: HOW CAN IT NOT BE BAD?!? I need chocolate!!! Desperately!!!  
  
Carter: Well, a butterfinger could look like crap. I mean it's brown and a funny yellow colour. It really could look like crap!  
  
Abby: I need something!!! Anything!!!  
  
Abby finally actually fully notices pigeon.  
  
Abby: Who are you?!  
  
Pigeon: I'm Richard. Your ex-husband.  
  
Abby, figuring Richard had been cursed, (it seemed sensible to her, considering she had just inflicted minor brain damage upon herself,) decided to vent her anger on him.  
  
Abby: YOU JAG-OFF! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!  
  
She runs up to the oversized bird and jumps on him. Before she starts to beat him up, she asks one question.  
  
Abby: Are you really Richard?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Abby: So you aren't?  
  
Pigeon: Yes I am.  
  
Abby: You are?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Abby: So you aren't?  
  
Pigeon: Yes I am.  
  
Abby: You are?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Abby: So you aren't?  
  
Pigeon: Yes I am.  
  
Abby: You are?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Abby: So you aren't?  
  
Pigeon: Yes I am.  
  
Abby: You are?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Abby: So you aren't?  
  
Pigeon: Yes I am.  
  
Abby: You are?!  
  
Pigeon: No, I'm not.  
  
Chen: SHUT UP!!! He isn't Richard! He says I'm boring and Carter's dead! But he says the opposite too!  
  
Abby: Well, he shouldn't play these mind games with me.  
  
Carter: And Chen, you are boring, even though you don't want to be.  
  
Chen: I'M NOT BORING!!! And Carter, you're dead!!!  
  
Carter: Prove it!  
  
Abby: Hehe. Good one Carter!  
  
Chen: AHHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!! AHHH!!!  
  
Chen then runs over to the vending machine and head butts it many times, while screaming.  
  
Chen: I'M NOT DEAD!!!! I'M NOT COVERED IN CRAP!!! I'M NOT A DAMN PIGEON AND I'M NOT BORING!!!!!!  
  
She then follows that with some freaky scream that is impossible to record on paper.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! She isn't boring anymore!  
  
Abby: You can say that again.  
  
Pigeon: She isn't boring anymore!  
  
Sam: My God! What is your problem? Firstly, you forgot to saw CAW!! And secondly, that joke is way too over used.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! What'll you do about it, punk?! Huh? Huh?  
  
Sam: I have this.*rummages through her bag* BUTTERFINGER! To chuck at your head of course!  
  
Abby, Carter and Chen: NOOOOO!!!!! Give me the butterfinger!!!  
  
Sam: Go get it!  
  
Sam then tapes the butterfinger to the top of pigeon's head. Immediately afterwards, the three uhh, butterfinger lovers attack him while trying to get the butterfinger.  
  
Sam: Hehehehe.  
  
Pigeon: You're so cruel, you know that?  
  
Sam: YOU FORGOT TO CAW!!  
  
Pigeon: CAW!!  
  
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Did ya like it?! Huh? Huh? These pigeon fics are getting longer and longer. Oh well. I hope I made you laugh. If I did, review. It really means a lot to any writer to get feed back. I won't be some idiot who asks for no flames. That's like an invitation.  
  
The next pigeon fic is with Luka. Look forward to it. It'll be made shortly, I hope. And go read my other fics during the wait. I want them to get recognition too! I spend so much thought on them. Okay, I didn't, but I still want you guys to read!  
  
If you want, send me an email at happythehippo48@hotmail.com  
  
I always answer, and love email feedback too! Okay, I'm gonna go wait patiently for some reviews. -Samantha, the crazy ER idiot. (And in saying this, I don't mean I'm the only one!)  
  
(P.S. Thank you to Tara, cornflake gurl, Nana (hee hee), Vanessa, Milkshakes, the god and Forever_Lumi for the reviews. Very much appreciated!) 


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